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Talking to children when an adult has cancer

	When you learn that either you or someone in your life has cancer, the emotional shock can be enormous. It may be hard enough coming to terms with your own anxieties and concerns about the diagnosis and treatment.

If you have to consider the emotional needs of your children too, you may feel you would like some extra help.

The Macmillan CancerLine receives requests for help from people who are uncertain how to cope with children when an adult has cancer. Some feel they want to protect their children and others are wondering if they should involve the children in what is happening.


	Children pick up on atmospheres – they instinctively know when something’s wrong. It’s more frightening for them to be told nothing – they’ll imagine the worst.

Our booklet ‘Talking to children when an adult has cancer’ takes the view that it is helpful for everyone if children are involved in the events that are affecting the family. Children who are clearly informed are likely to be more resilient, independent and secure.

The booklet also includes information such as:


	how do I tell the children? what should they be told? how might children react to the illness? should you tell the school? questions children might ask, such as, ‘Did Daddy get cancer because I made him angry?’ potential reactions and difficulties talking about dying

But of course each family is unique and communicates in different ways. When discussing these issues with parents it is always best to follow their lead as to what might be appropriate.

Many children go happily to school, glad of the familiar environment, when someone in the family is very ill because it gives them a sense of stability. Some children’s behaviour in school may deteriorate because of what they are experiencing at home. Parents may feel it is hard to talk to teachers about the illness. But teachers who understand why a child is behaving in any of these ways are better able to handle the situation and help. As a first step teachers could read this booklet to better understand the parents' point of view.

To order your copy of ‘Talking to children when an adult has cancer’ contact us and we’ll send you a copy. The Macmillan CancerLine could also give you details of other literature and organisations that may also be able to help.

Some people would like to ask the teacher to talk about cancer in class. This should always be with the child or young person’s consent. In our class activities section there is guidance for teachers on how to do this or alternatively a representative from your local Macmillan Office could come to talk in your school.